She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Say something about gay babies.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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