He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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