The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
