Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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