just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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