I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
