I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize