Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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