Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
