at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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