drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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