i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
