just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
