his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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