the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
