once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
