i may or may not be watching the land before time
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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