Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
