My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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