I just pynch a tree in the face
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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