I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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