we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
