why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
