Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
