My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
