Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
