you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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