I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
