i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
