So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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