He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
