so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
