i need an iv and a liver transplant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
