I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am midnight drunk by noon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize