My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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