Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
