Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
