I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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