hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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