So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
