Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
