You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bring me that man meat
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
