Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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