He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
