apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize