I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you're hired as official boob wrangler
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
