and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
