So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
