i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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