dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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