ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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