Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
try to milk me bitch
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