Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
