Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
