ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize