8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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