Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
