shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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