why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
God, I missed his penis.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
