When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
