yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize