I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
