yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
