im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
