I like my sex mixed with concussions.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
