No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
