apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
