You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
