He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
even my farts smell like vagina
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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