He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
