Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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