I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
