there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
