you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
