How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
