this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
