I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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