he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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