Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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