The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
