she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
