I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize