My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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