Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
