Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
