I accidentally burped into my bong.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
