he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
