so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
