im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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