What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
