it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
