Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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