Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
