Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize