My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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