Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize