so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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