M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to fling myself into the sun
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
